sorry people

I have to apologise to you guys who have been following my blog. My excuse is that I am only human. We all fall off the wagon... even me, and I did. The last week and a half I went back to my old eating ways, Well not as bad, I didn't gorge on chocolate, but I did eat what I wanted, I had starch with almost every evening meal and I was in a sullen fuck-it type of mood... and sadly it reflected on the scale! I didn't gain anything! Phew *wipes sweat from brow*, but I also didn't lose any... I know where I went wrong, I stopped journalling what goes into my mouth. That's important! It really is, Do any of you know the TV show called Ruby? Well one episode she doesnt lose weight, and I think (I maybe wrong) but I think she gains a little, and that is because she stops journalling what she is eating. With people who have a huge problem with their weight, This is something I've learnt, Whether you have 190kgs to lose, or you have the last 8 to lose, weight loss is weight loss, and its HARD! I don't know about you people, but my body had become friends with my fat, and it doesnt want to say goodbye. Psychologically it's an issue. I dont remember ever being thin.. Sounds weird, but it's true. My deep seated fear is that when I am thin, I am going to turn into another person. I like who I am. Ok I am slightly unmotivated, I lack direction and focus, I do tend to drift and dream a lot, but I like myself. When I am thin, will I turn into a bitch? Will I become someone who is obsessed with their image? Will I not listen to my friends? I hope not! Just slap me around and show me this blog to bring to back to reality okay? I am going to toddle downstairs and go and get my file, so I can type out my diet for you people. I have been asked a lot what this diet is all about, so I will do that, unfun as it is. :)